7 Beard Myths

Myth: Beards contain fecal bacteria.

Fact: Sure, beards can have fecal bacteria, but so can everything. Your head hair, your hands…hell, your cell phone is more likely to have that shit bacteria on it than your beard. The key is cleaning. As long as you use a good beard wash, you can keep your beard nice and shit-free.

Myth: If you don’t see a good beard in a few weeks, you’re not going to.

Fact: Beards grow, on average, about 5.5 inches in a year. Breaking that down to a weekly basis, you should expect to see about a tenth of an inch per week. You may recognize that number as not very fucking much. So if you’re giving it 3 to 4 weeks and getting frustrated with the lack of progress, remember that you should be expecting maybe a third of an inch or so. Some men do grow faster, but some also grow slower. That’s how we end up with averages. You might take several months to see a real strong beard start to form, and  that’s okay. Remember, a long beard can send the message that you are a patient dude. That’s something the ladies like. Even better if yours takes more patience than others.

Myth: Light colored beards don’t look good.

Fact: This is one I’d not have believed if I hadn’t heard it from multiple blonde, would-be bearded dudes. The fact is there are some excellent blonde beards out there. The photo above, for example, is not likely to disgust many women. Dude’s beard is on point, even dreneched in sea water. It is true that short blonde beards can look a little off, but this is mostly due to the fact that short blonde hair is often very light. That gives the appearance of thinness, sometimes looking like overgrown peach fuzz. But once a little length begins to set in (a half inch or so is usually fine) the blonde begins to show it’s true colors. Blonde hair is not just light yellow; it’s got darker bits ranging from pale to brown, and that comes through in the beard as well, often resulting in a really great coloration.

Myth: My beard just won’t grow in some spots.

Fact: Yes, it will. You may have a genuine medical issue that causes hair not to grow in certain places. There are some spots – like those damn “connecting” points between mustache and beard – that often stay bald. Evolution gave us something to protect our noses from debris, protect our faces from sunlight, but kept the area around our mouths clear (it’s very basic survival of the fittest to assume those who had an easier time eating survived). But when you don’t see much growth on your chin, that’s usually just because it needs more time. 99% of “my beard won’t grow” cases (okay, I made that number up, but anecdotally, it’s a lot) are complaints from guys in their 2nd week of growing. You’ve just got to give it time.

Myth: Shaving makes beard and mustache hair grow back thicker and stronger.

Fact: Shaving makes your beard disappear. That’s all. Shaving to promote growth is an old wives tale. A possible explanation is that when new stubble sprouts, it tends to be thicker than the hair looked when it was fully emerged, which led people to believe it came in thicker after shaving. It could also be a myth perpetrated by the razor companies. I’m just kind of a conspiracy nut though.

Myth: You can’t get a job if you have a beard.

Fact: Many entery-level corporate jobs (i.e. retail sales, fast food worker, etc.) do have strict (some might say draconian) personal grooming standards. However, outside of those professions, bosses tend to be pretty cool about it. Especially with the recent popularity of beards, few hiring managers will turn you out when you’re interviewing for an office job just because there is hair on your face.

Myth: Beards make you hotter in the summer.

Fact: While a lot of dudes end up shaving in the summer because they think it will make them cooler, most will end up unsatisfied with the results. With their ability to keep sunlight off your face, and to act as your own personal evaporative cooler, beard can actually keep you feeling cooler than a baby face.